I ate more ice cream in the two weeks following 9/11 than I've consumed in the past 10 years. Hagen Daas: Vanilla Swiss Almond and Mint Chip in a sugar cone. I took note of this somewhat addictive behavior one morning, when I noticed very dark circles appearing under my eyes—accompanied by a dull headache—since that disastrous day. I normally eat wisely, and I haven't experienced headaches since I started meditating ("checking in with headquarters") almost 30 years ago.
Lately, haunting images delay my sleep at night, until, after a few prayers, I consciously breathe into my self-healing-cleansing-relaxation visualization and drift off for at least six hours—only one or two short of my usual rest requirement. No, the dark circles were not from sleep deprivation, but from too much dairy and sugar, consumed in orgy quantities.
That same morning, one self-observation followed another, such as a recent tendency to trip on craggy sidewalks and bump toes and knees on objects that are normally unobtrusive. I'd forget what I had walked to the other side of a room to retrieve. I was not naïve about the stress reactions that New Yorkers are experiencing, as well as anyone who has watched the TV coverage around the country—around the world.
Reflecting on my less-conscious choices and unfocused behavior one morning last week, I surrendered to the Source in meditation, and asked, "Show me what I need to know, (gently!)"—and I asked "What is the truth about all this?"
It came to me, that after observing daily reports from "ground zero"—and the resulting aftermath—that a major part of me had "left the building." A dastardly campaign invaded our country, and I was feeling not so much fearful, but rather, that all of this was bigger than me. It would appear as though I'd relinquished a portion of my own personal, spiritual space, to the actions of a force that is not greater than my own connection to the Source! There is no one and no thing that is greater.
Not occupying my personal premises—distracted by the horror—I let "out there," override my better choices for my personal well-being. I've been caught in the undertow of mass, consensus overwhelm. It's still the personal "me" waking up with the dark circles and dull headaches, the mornings after unconscious eating. It's still the same me hobbling about after a spill, not taking time to focus on where I've stepped on the street—here in my body.
I've fortified my resolve to stay in my personal power. I'm back to greater ease in accessing my Spiritual Warrior Self with necessary doses of compassion and patience for my mortal one. I'm still dealing with what everyone around me is challenged by—but certainly not to the degree as of so many who are hurting so terribly. I'm feeling greater intent to stay present, and to occupy my allotted space on the planet — fully. Increased strength and faith will be my reward.
I encourage you to simply observe (without judgment) the moments when you relinquich a present one to whatever might feel bigger and meaner, unexpected or unholy. Be gentle and respectful with all your selves.
All the while, it amazes me that there is still a Higher, more expanded, highly intuitive, overseeing part of my consciousness that continues to operate, untouched by all of this. This aspect of my timeless self will continue to be in alignment and to thrive in these times, even while all that is not in truth—illusionary—in our world, continues to fall away.
Last week I did a consultation for a new client who was referred by a co-worker. Both employees work for a disaster agency. They are currently in town, assigned to the "site." I had read her co-worker last month in Chicago, a long-time client who I'd only met over the phone in past years. The gal drove six hours from her home to finally meet with me in person. I felt honored, to say the least.
When the Twin Towers fell, I had a vague recollection of having viewed a scene of "a tree or tall building" falling in several consultations, that previous week in Chicago. I gave one consultation the night before the disaster at the NYC Marriott hotel, uptown. I interpreted the images more as a time-sequence signpost, rather than imminent disaster. "And after a tall tree or building falls, you'll be..."
When I reach the moment of "downloading" collected information in consultations, I have to decided how to select and arrange the information in the order of what appears to be most significant. As my apprentices learn, most information comes in neutral. The interpretation that we give it, is unavoidably filtered by our own repertoire of experiences. Terrorism has not been part of mine.
I asked my new client if her friend (my old client) had heard me mention this image in her reading, unable to recall whether I had happened to give it emphasis.
"Yes!" she said. "She listened again to the tape and heard you saying that after tall building with a tall antenna (you weren't sure what the antenna was) falls, that she would be working by water. That's where she is today, at the site."
Trust your increasing expansion into the highly intuitive being that you're here to become. Stay focused and observant of the moments when you get caught in the undertow of consensus reality, going momentarily unconscious and surrendering to less wise—even self-destructive—options for yourself, instead taking the Higher road. Yes, it may require a bit dose of self-discipline.
Come back into the present moment and out of fear by feeling gratitude for anything that you can bring to mind—a most powerful antidote. Then raise your own, personal antenna and let the Universe transmit to you, and allow the Source work through you. Make more conscious and deliberate choices — and you'll feel so much better in the morning!
